Some thoughts and questions...

1) Why does the development binary exit? Who gains and who loses by the categorization of countries as "developed" and "underdeveloped"?
2) What is development? Can we really use economic growth as any sort of indicator when Kenya's economy is growing at a rate of 8%, yet the people are suffering from more poverty and unemployment than in years past?
3) Who decides what is and isn't developed? What does development look like?
4) How is development linked to colonization and how does development theory and practice in Africa begin to resemble a panopticon? In many ways, I see development forcing an imposed and alien order over a supposed criminalized and subordinated people for the sake of Western control and power. British colonizers left Kenya with a centralized government after denying the existence and ability of the pre-existing, decentralized government. This new government worked in the favor of the British...a central location of power...panopticon...maintaining order from the center, but the periphery has no contact with, or access to, the center.
5) How do outsiders enter this community to work towards an alternative future with and for Africans without ever being able to understand all of the complications, especially issues with ethnic polarization?
6) Why does observing and participating in this dual economy anger me so much? How can I respond in a more constructive way to something I do not agree with but can't change right now (or most likely in my life-time)?
7) What is the role of money in development? Will it ever help or just continue to destroy by masking the problems temporarily?
8) What constitutes independence? Will colonialism in Africa ever end?
9) What is African? Kenyan? If a white Britain indeed left a black Britain after granting "independence," what does this mean for Kenyan identity? Is there such a thing?
10) What is an alternative to linear development theory, which progresses from low development to full development?

I'm not sure what to make of all of this. It is extremely overwhelming and I just keep filling up with more and more questions without feeling like I will ever get answers. I know that is the point, but it is still frustrating. I am having an extremely emotional reaction to the reality of the devastation colonizers left in their path is extremely emotional for me. Why has this entire continent been left to pull itself out of such layered destruction, brought on by outsiders, and all we can do is throw money at the problem?

A few days ago, Italy publicly apologized to Libya for the damage they created during their colonial imposition. They payed monetary reparations, which in no way repay for the damage that has been done. I believe this was the first time a colonial power had openly apologized to an African nation. This has left other African nations begging for the same response from their colonizers. Is this really what it has come down to? If only Britain would apologize and send Kenya some money everyone would feel better? It disturbs me.

An assigment Fred left a group of us with for next week: Come up with alternative solutions, which acknowledge the complications and challenges Kenya faces in the process of developing, to get Kenya out of this mess. I don't even know where to begin. I don't know how to process the magnitude of what I see around me, or how to change the lives and futures of a forgotten people.
Sorry this wasn't as cheery as my other posts, but I needed to share some of these realities and questions. I love you all and will write again soon.